My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.
I wished I was Hazel because then I would die and finish the story properly. We know she’s going to die from the beginning. Of course we do. It’s a cancer story. She’s going to die. But it’s not about her. It’s about Augustus. You know how I know that? Because he dies. He gets a conclusion. Unlike Hazel.
Isn’t it ironic how those who want to live get to die and those who want to die get to live? I’m still not sure whether it is more bravery or cowardice to wish to die. But to wish to die does not mean you won’t continue fighting until the end, as if it is the body’s natural inclination to live. It is not. Every body’s destination is oblivion.
You know what I think? I think it wasn’t about whatever you may think it’s about. Every time you say its about one particular thing, there are a million other options. The story itself is utterly unremarkable. But its genius is that it gives one much to consider. What we are made of, and what we live for. Augustus wasn’t perfect and neither was Hazel. It wasn’t a love story and it wasn’t a cancer story. It wasn’t about blindness or even about insanity. It wasn’t about time or oblivion. Or the relative size of infinities. It was about everything and nothing. It made you think, that’s all.
I did not cry. I almost did. I was almost attached enough to cry. But in my distance, I was able to see it as a whole. Sometimes immersing yourself in a story is a kind of superficiality. It’s not real. The characters may continue to live in the pages after the story ends. They may not. It doesn’t matter. Even so, it is not your story. Whether you wish it so or not. And if it is a suitable substitution, then you are not living. As Dumbledore said, it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
I reiterate: Hazel does not exist. Augustus didn’t. Van Houten never will. But if you take their best and their worst qualities and mix them up together, you might make a real person.
Wasn’t the trip to Amsterdam full of metaphorical resonance?